Discover what pulls us close, pushes us apart, and what it takes to stay connected through every phase of love.

Written by clinical sexologist Dr. Anna Elton, the book blends research, real stories, and therapeutic insight.

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About the Book

Part science.

part story.

Part guide.

The Formula of Desire explores the psychology of attraction, attachment, and disconnection, revealing how desire evolves over time and offers a new way to see, measure, and strengthen the connection that brought you together.

Through evidence-based frameworks and real-world application, this book helps you understand what keeps desire alive, what distances us from our partners, and how to sustain intimacy through every phase of love.

01 — Assessment

Get Your

Desire Score

Before You Read the Book.

Your relationship already has a pattern. This gives you the numbers behind it.

Developed from over a decade of clinical practice and insights from 700+ couples, the Relational Desire Score measures connection across six core dimensions including emotional safety, intimacy, attraction, alignment, conflict patterns, and stress load.

This is not a personality quiz. It is the diagnostic framework The Formula of Desire is built on.

In under 10 minutes, you’ll see where desire is thriving, where it is quietly eroding, and what is shaping the emotional climate of your relationship right now.

What’s Inside

Groundbreaking Frameworks +

These three core frameworks anchor the book along with dozens of practical tools, exercises, and insights to help you navigate every phase of desire

01 — Framework

Wave of Desire

Understand how desire naturally flows through phases and learn to navigate the ebbs and flows together.

02 — Framework

The Three Selves

Balance who you are as Me, We, and Us, the foundation for sustainable intimacy and connection.

03 — Framework

The Relationship Shift

Recognize the zones your relationship moves through and what it takes to shift toward where you want to be.

Published By

The Formula of Desire: What Brings Us Together and Drives Us Apart and The Science Behind It is published by New Harbinger Publications, a leading publisher of evidence-based self-help and psychology books.